jEnna
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just someone who wants a better life.
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Sunday, December 06, 2009

another ranting.
no thanks to the exam coming tml. and kudos to those people who made me think my life sucks to the core.

i wonder if is it me being pessimistic or that people around me just seems so ... ... ... lucky?

there are many things which i dont have answers to. being me, with those matters, i can only live my life as it is. i can say that no one exactly know what i am going through, or how my life have been so fucked up till now. you might find that i am complaining. yes, maybe i am.

every other time when i hear other people complaining about parents not giving them enough money, no time to do this and that, why people treat them like that etc, sometimes i feel like giving them a piece of my mind. Your life may be bad. BUT you are just ignoring the fact that someone close to you is not, and that to me balances up everything.
there are also other times when you hear people say how well you perform in this, how you get this and that, i envy them, and wished to be like them too.
then there were those times where you just feel that everyone forgets about you. you see their friends putting in so much effort, trying their best to come up with something memorable for you and when it's your turn, it's just like a go-and -forget thing. and i wonder, how many actually remembers? i just dont get it. am i so different from the others that i dont render any kind of effort? or do all of you take me for granted thinking that yes, i wont mind, or thinking that since it is already over and done with, there is no need to bother anymore?
MAYBE i sld take another chance. MAYBE. and i shall see next year AGAIN. will i continue to be disappointed? i highly think so.

seriously, i have no idea what the future will bring for me and i do not want to know. though i wished for a change, i am not sure if that will happen for me. and it is times like this is where i am only able to express how i feel in words, not spoken. consider me to be someone who doesnt know how to look at the bright side of life. i may live everyday as it is, or probably be someone who jokes and appear okay/nice to everything. or mayb you think you know me very well but you might be wrong.

all these might sound confusing but they are all my thoughts. and probably no one will ever know.

till then...

jotted at 11:50 PM
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Saturday, November 07, 2009

yes, i know it's been sometime now. in fact, a very long time. i doubt anyone would read this anyway. it's too dead.
i am not coming back permanently to blog now, it's just because i feel like writing something now. Just a sudden impulse.

School's horrible. An ad analysis next friday and i cant seem to find a good ad i think would be suitable for that. And i tell myself that i must finish, if not half way by tues. Qns! too many Qns in my head..... have to ask professor....
speaking about him, he could have more time management. eating into our consultation time and ending classes at 6plus instead of the supposedly 5pm is too much. i am experiencing information overload and mental blockage in class. how am i supposed to concentrate?! sucks.
everyone scrutinizing you isnt something nice too. i am sure i will be like very nervous and starts jumbling what i want to say.

ahh welllll.. i just cant wait for the holidays to start. yes, that would mean exams are over but that also signify the beginning of the new term soon. we will get our results and then might regret not doing better. i for sure hope there is some improvements in this semester. i cant afford to drop my GPA further. i need the honors. if not it would be a waste of my 3 years here at UB. yes it will.

now, i am experiencing mental block...........................
yes, lets talk about school. too many work to do, it's just like having 5 modules when i only have 3 and i thought that semester was the worst. apparently, Caucasians professors make your life more difficult. but then again, i love their eyes and accent. ok that is my admiration for them. (mental block..............................) and then there's work. ahhh work! one of my colleagues are leaving soon after she graduates from uni. so i'll be alone there with the newcomer, not knowing how she is like yet. i believe it should be someone that could lasts. it isnt easy for me to communicate with someone i feel i have a barrier with and sometimes i just dont feel like talking. i wonder how i can survive. but then again, i have always thought of quitting and finally leave weekends free! untouched! i'm day-dreaming. that can never happen. without this job, i have no means of survival, i will rot in this world.

i have decided to put my feet down in something. i shall never falter and become someone that should have been in control right from the beginning. outside, i cannot and will not want to know what happen. but when i'm in, i am in control! i will give the last say and there is nothing you can do about it. i know this will invite unhappiness and grudges but i dont give a damn. i want my place to have nothing to do with this and yes, i will stand strong!

as much as i want to change my mind and study dentistry now, i know that it is not possible. i am really grateful that someone would offer to sponsor fully my trip there and i do understand the rationale behind it. i would gladly take the offer but you were late for a few years. dentistry takes 5 years of study and clinical exp together and i know i do not have the time for me to start over again now. too late and i truly am disappointed. this is one chance for me to actually secure my future but it seems i am not destined for it. i imagined how it would be like and i liked it. but it is useless to say anything now because i know i have no more chance.

i would love to continue and it seems i typed whatever is bottled inside me for a long time. it has already been some time since i am able to type continuously for so long and i think it did helped me feel better :) now off to bed to continue my reality.
till then................................

jotted at 12:55 AM
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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

my holidays are left with one more week and 5days.
sat is a public holiday! free from work, but i dont have any plans yet~
):

results are taking a long time to come up.
cant wait to get it over and done with.
worrying about my GPA dropping every time i remembered my grades are not out yet.

i recently finish reading yakuza moon, a very inspiring book based on the life of this particular japanese girl who is the daughter of the mafia there.
it makes you wonder how someone's life can be like that.
nice book.
next, twilight. am onto the 3rd book now. waited damn long to get it. almost finished and i hope to get my fourth book soon. online orders take too long.
havent watch the movie yet. sld do so one of my free days.
Bella Swan is so indecisive!!! and Edward is being just so nice.
i support Edward, shirl! haha.. Jacob can be so scheming sometimes?

looking forward to the trip next monday! hope to get some stuff back.
need to relax big time. can feel that school life is not far away.

i watched x men origin: wolverine and taken last friday.
both are GREAT shows!!!!
taken made me so kan chiong. if not for the bloody idiot brainless asshole who kept kicking my chair, and still cont'd kicking when i turn around and told his bloody hell idiotic useless ass friend to stop kicking, i might have enjoyed the show more. shitheads. 3 guys somemore. can it get any worse?! pui. the mere thought of them made me boil. horrible people.
PUIIIII!

more nice movies coming up! terminator, transformers, angels&demons, harry potter!!

i feel like making my hair red/blue/green/purple! arggggghhhhhhhH!!
need a haircut soon!!

jotted at 10:13 PM
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

PEOPLE! i'm back to blog again! hopefully....
wondering who still check back to see if i had any new posts?

i'm having a 3 weeks break from school now, thus, explains spare time in blogging.
was very caught up in school work the past semester, thinking that 5 subjects was still manageable but it got so close to burning me out.
but it's the holidays now!!
time to enjoy!

shirl's 21st b'day just passed last Saturday! as usual, we went out to have dinner together.
though we didnt take alot of pictures until we slacked a bit at Macdonalds.

Restaurant City is kinda addictive.

3 weeks is not a long time.
this week is almost gone, had to work a few days other than my normal weekends next week, and i'm left with 1 more week before its studies again.
siannnn.
not to mention, 3 21st b'day coming up for may!!

when people say:
when the going gets tough, it gets tougher.
things wont come your way, you have to be competent to achieve it.
it's too late when you realise what went wrong
but you cant hurry to amend, you'll have to wait.
maybe luck's not on your side.
and when the time comes, hopefully everything will be ok, with 101% effort put in.
and you'll have no problem telling other people I DID IT!
though it took a little longer than usual.
ahhh.. depressing. but no choice.

jotted at 9:00 PM
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Friday, January 16, 2009

i finally decide to blog!

school had already started for almost a week now. many would think the first week should be quite slack but truth is, it's exactly the opposite.
With every new class, comes new course outlines, with projects, quizzes and assignments written all over it.
it makes people feel stressed thinking of the amount of work to be done, deadlines to meet.
The CNY hoilday week doesnt make it any better when most assignments and quizzes are due right after CNY.
Another thing to add on the my already stress-ed out brain would be bloody damn expensive textbooks we need. Not to buy them, but to source and hope you are SO lucky to find someone to sell you second hand and the exact SAME edition that is in use.
well, i guess that's school life.
it's time for time management!

Today (15-01-09) mark a new experience for me!
i finally got a chance to donate blood! in school, since they are holding this drive.
i made sure i ate like a meal before going for the donation. if not i would kena reject again like last time when my haemoglobin level is toooo low.
I think that the whole thing it's quite fun. Minus the giddy feeling, seeing stars and turning pale for not going home after that to rest and instead went to walk around town.
i'm not going to take the iron supplements they provide because i dont really believe in them. What we used to learn was the supplements provide us with wayyyyy too much of that particular thing they provide.
I didnt get to know my blood type too. which was kindof disappointing because that's partly the reason why i wanted to donate.
anyway, it's a very good experience for me.
go donate blood people! save lives!
hahaha...

i spend too many time travelling to and fro school. that's almost 3hours each day, considering i have classes EVERY DAY of the week, it's 15hours doing nothing!

jotted at 1:19 AM
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Sunday, December 28, 2008

i've moved into my long-awaited new house on monday.
couldn't get an internet connection because of the new home telephone line.
no more nice 444-9090 for house number.
blame it on Singtel for charging DOUBLE to transfer the same line.
transfer so hard meh?! retain number so difficult until must pay double!!!
crazy blood suckers.
>:(
anyway new home telephone number comes with many different numbers.

still lacking some stuffs and furniture. sofa, my bed, kitchen stove etc.
so now cant cook, cant bake yet.
i finally have an oven!!!!!!
like finally!!!!

free i'm gonna take a few snapshots. that is if i'm free.
school is starting so soon. another 2 weeks time.
cant bear to imagine having to wake up sooo early in the morning.
ahhhh.

jotted at 2:39 AM
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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Yours Truly here is BUSY moving house!!!!

many things are left unpacked!!!

there's no time left!!!!

will be back next week until everything is done!!!!

jotted at 12:21 AM
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