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jEnna
16o988
just someone who wants a better life.
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Saturday, November 07, 2009
yes, i know it's been sometime now. in fact, a very long time. i doubt anyone would read this anyway. it's too dead.
i am not coming back permanently to blog now, it's just because i feel like writing something now. Just a sudden impulse.
School's horrible. An ad analysis next friday and i cant seem to find a good ad i think would be suitable for that. And i tell myself that i must finish, if not half way by tues. Qns! too many Qns in my head..... have to ask professor....
speaking about him, he could have more time management. eating into our consultation time and ending classes at 6plus instead of the supposedly 5pm is too much. i am experiencing information overload and mental blockage in class. how am i supposed to concentrate?! sucks.
everyone scrutinizing you isnt something nice too. i am sure i will be like very nervous and starts jumbling what i want to say.
ahh welllll.. i just cant wait for the holidays to start. yes, that would mean exams are over but that also signify the beginning of the new term soon. we will get our results and then might regret not doing better. i for sure hope there is some improvements in this semester. i cant afford to drop my GPA further. i need the honors. if not it would be a waste of my 3 years here at UB. yes it will.
now, i am experiencing mental block...........................
yes, lets talk about school. too many work to do, it's just like having 5 modules when i only have 3 and i thought that semester was the worst. apparently, Caucasians professors make your life more difficult. but then again, i love their eyes and accent. ok that is my admiration for them. (mental block..............................) and then there's work. ahhh work! one of my colleagues are leaving soon after she graduates from uni. so i'll be alone there with the newcomer, not knowing how she is like yet. i believe it should be someone that could lasts. it isnt easy for me to communicate with someone i feel i have a barrier with and sometimes i just dont feel like talking. i wonder how i can survive. but then again, i have always thought of quitting and finally leave weekends free! untouched! i'm day-dreaming. that can never happen. without this job, i have no means of survival, i will rot in this world.
i have decided to put my feet down in something. i shall never falter and become someone that should have been in control right from the beginning. outside, i cannot and will not want to know what happen. but when i'm in, i am in control! i will give the last say and there is nothing you can do about it. i know this will invite unhappiness and grudges but i dont give a damn. i want my place to have nothing to do with this and yes, i will stand strong!
as much as i want to change my mind and study dentistry now, i know that it is not possible. i am really grateful that someone would offer to sponsor fully my trip there and i do understand the rationale behind it. i would gladly take the offer but you were late for a few years. dentistry takes 5 years of study and clinical exp together and i know i do not have the time for me to start over again now. too late and i truly am disappointed. this is one chance for me to actually secure my future but it seems i am not destined for it. i imagined how it would be like and i liked it. but it is useless to say anything now because i know i have no more chance.
i would love to continue and it seems i typed whatever is bottled inside me for a long time. it has already been some time since i am able to type continuously for so long and i think it did helped me feel better :) now off to bed to continue my reality.
till then................................
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